Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
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