if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
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