So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
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