Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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