cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
