Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
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