Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
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