I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Randomize
