I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Randomize