I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
