Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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