just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
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