And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Randomize
