i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
