Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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