I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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