You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
