yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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