U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
my liver is dry heaving
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize