I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Randomize
