yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize