Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
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