You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
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