I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
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