just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
