They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
nutella sex= disaster
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Randomize
