Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
