oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
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