Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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