Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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