For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
You pole danced in your parka.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
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