Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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