I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
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