I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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