He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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