do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
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