Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
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