well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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