The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
