It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
So here I am, sexting at work.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
