The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Randomize
