i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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