Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
