You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
