3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
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