The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize