plz talk dirty to me
Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize
