Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
