You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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