I'm sorry my penis didn't work
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
