3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
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