Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Randomize
