I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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