i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
