Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize