We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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