thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Randomize
