Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Randomize
