'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Randomize
