What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Fuck me I smell like cheese
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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