Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize
