tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
