Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
