There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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