Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
i think i just naturally attract stoners
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
