I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
