I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
