I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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