so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
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