"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
